Archive for December, 2009

RE(nt) Cap – (Boogers)

Posted: December 23, 2009 in Road to RENT

December 21, 2009

Never let them see you picking your nose!

Seeing that I spend most my conversations asking questions, sounding like a four year old child discovering his love for speech, I decided to sit back and observe. Shutting my vocal muscle down, I surveyed my environment.

The tall photographer had a box full of goodies. Like a skinny Santa Claus, he brought forth gifts as excited cast members displayed their prizes. I looked more closely and realized they were purchases. People had taken advantage of the new t-shirt sales, and pre-ordered their desires. I kicked myself in the gut. Lesson one:

1. Never get so distracted that you forget what you really want.

The fist pounder walked towards him, singing praises of his designs and holding an envelope in her hand, money, or her new order.  Strike two:

2. Never forget to at least carry a few dollars in case of an emergency.

As I sat back, waiting for the gong in my head to stop reminding me of my empty hands and bill-less wallet, over the moon made her way down the aisle. I smiled a big toothy grin, displaying my excitement in seeing her. She immediately, playfully, scolded me:

“Jeremy, what are you doing sitting back here by yourself? Get up, socialize, go talk!”

I grinned at her, not moving from my position, having been forcefully thrown into lesson three:

3. Never take a vow of silence when over the moon is around. She ain’t havin’ it!

Our bodies started to move in preparation for the run of act two. Voices were calling for gum and hands waved displaying who possessed the flavored sponges. Over the moon offered me a piece and, entertaining thoughts of declining, I remembered the breathy words I had to say to the fist pounder in my creepy scene – words such as “Happy” and “Be”. I readily took a hold of lesson four:

4. Never do a close-to-face scene with animal droppings breath. There is nothing worse than trying to stay in character when you are being slowly wooed into nausea.

That lesson immediately shocked me into the next, thinking about the many scenes where others have to touch someone else’s face. Lesson five.

5. Never skip out on skin care essentials. There is nothing as spine chilling as a pimple popping and oozing in your hand.

I checked my face for any ripe bumps.

We started with our Seasons of Love line-up. Being a while since we rehearsed it, a few members were a bit confused as to where they were. Mojo stood to my left as beanie torn pants stood to the immediate left of her. I knew the order was wrong, but I pressed my lips shut. Beanie torn pants spoke:

“Oh wait, I am next t Jeremy and you are over there.”

I accidentally chimed in:

“Yeah, I thought it was wrong.”

Mojo cocked her head back, put her hand on her left hip, and playfully tossed me attitude:

“What, you don’t want to stand next to me?”

I threw my eyes open and tried to protest:

“Oh no, not that, I was just trying to…”

My words got stuck. To make up for my lack of speech I ran over, grabbed Mojo in an appreciative bear-hug and twirled her in a circle. When I put her down I realized, lesson six:

6. Never chime in when someone has already been corrected. You may live to regret it.

I suggest staying quietly confused and pretending you don’t notice, or Mojo might beat you up.

We began to sing through Seasons of Love, and I really got into the pickup. I was feeling the music and singing to my personal seasons of love partner to my right. I decided to share my joy and turned to the left to sing with beanie torn pants. I waited for him to turn to me, but it never happened. I laughed at myself. Lesson seven:

7. Never sing to someone when they don’t notice you. You look pretty silly singing to the back of someone’s head for an extended amount of time.

I shook my foolish feelings off and mentally returned to rehearsal.

As the basement voice began his rendition of his ode to his deceased lover, I stood by taking in conversations back stage. When I could no longer stand still, I wandered throughout the crevices behind the set and poked my nose into corners I had not seen. I turned around, only to discover that everyone else was gone. Lesson eight:

8. Never wander off and miss your cue to enter the stage.

I scurried to the stage and took my position.

The solos came up and I tore into my part with a glow in my heart. I was a bit upset that heavenly voice was too far under the weather to begin her part, but I mouthed it, until it was my turn.

When it came time for everyone to join together, in a huge resounding “OOH”, I reached deep inside and found my note. I belted it out to the rafters and was immediately overtaken by laughter. Lesson nine:

9. Never belt out a bad note. But do take amusement in the discovery of your folly.

I went silent and tuned into one song glory, standing next to me, to find my key. I rejoined the cast in honoring our fallen drag queen’s death.

I promised myself that I would go home and practice the note and rejoined rehearsal once again.

As we neared the finale of the rock musical, I took my position at the top of some representative bleachers. I was using them to symbolize the top of a stair case. As I got lost in the moment and playfully walked down the steps, my foot got caught on one of my six foot long shoe strings and when I tried to replace my other foot, it wedged itself between the space in the bleachers.

I toppled forward and soared, face first, towards the ground. My hands released themselves from my pockets just in time to catch my fall. I know the saying in acting goes “Leave it all on the stage”, but, lesson ten:

10. Never leave your face on the stage. Unless this is Phantom of the Opera, you pretty much cannot hide behind a mask.

Thankful that I saved myself a trip to the emergency room, but afforded myself and many others an attack of laughter – the heavenly voice having to shield her face with all the amusement I had caused – I retreated to my final spot to finish out the play.

As the song broke off into our separate sections, the boys singing a different verse than the girls, and eventually joined together, as one harmonious sound for the final note, everyone breathed a sigh of endearment thinking about the final tune. Joy seemed to ring loud amongst us all, however, the heavenly voice had a slight objection:

“Hey, this is to my men, my babies…”

She smiled big and bowed her head:

“During the one section, where the women and men first split, remember not to drown us out.”

Everyone stared on, taking in the reminder, basement voice decided to yank her chain. Although his words escaped me, it seemed to have repositioned the heavenly voices thought process. She shook her head, looked him in the face, and scoffed. Putting her hands on her hips, playfully speaking to the basement voice, she stated:

“You know, before the end of this, I am gonna choke you.”

We all joined in the humor, as the heavenly voice fell prey to her own comedic banter. Lesson eleven:

11. Never get on the heavenly voices bad side, she is homicidal!

After that, we sang happy birthday to the colorful hoodie and readied ourselves to be dismissed. The main director stopped us, as the tall photographer had something to say.

He opened up a box and lined in pretty little rows were a bounty of smaller black boxes. We all stared on in wonder as we waited to be directed. The tall photographer spoke:

“It’s nothing; I just have something for some people.”

I looked and figured it was more t-shirts. I began my dismissal process until someone interrupted the blank stupors on people’s faces:

“Do we just take one?”

The tall photographer nodded as people, reluctantly moved towards the box. I grabbed one, opened it and was immediately overcome with a strange emotion.

My heart exploded and I couldn’t believe that he had made each of us a beautiful piece of memorabilia for this wonderful play  – my first big production. I didn’t know what to do, or how to feel.

I kept rehearsing in my mind how wonderful it was to be in a room with such individuals. Everyone seemed to genuinely care about the next and a welcoming embrace could be had at a simple request. I wanted to package each one up, and put them in boxes of my own, having access to them whenever I needed a pleasant surprise.

I was taken back to my conversation with over the moon as we both mutually agreed how amazing this cast is, she spoke:

“I feel like the main director really carefully picked each one, because it’s important that we genuinely love each other to make this show work.”

I chimed in:

“Yeah, I feel like I can talk to anyone, at any time no matter when, where or why.”

I whispered under my breath:

“Once I get passed this question and answer phase.”

My heart rang out to each cast member as I held my gift in hand, trying to hold back every emotion that poured into me. I hopped off the stage, nervous, and gave the tall photographer a strong, heartfelt praise.

I released him from the only gift I could give at the moment and tore off.

I’m not good at lingering.

I had learned a beautiful lesson in his unselfish surprise. Lesson twelve:

12. Never put off for tomorrow what could and should be said today. This time is valuable, precious and priceless. It’s called the present!

I thought of how we only had one more month left amongst each other in rehearsal bliss. After that, I am not sure what will transpire. But I hope I can leave footprints on some of their hearts – tattoos, if at all possible.

I ran outside towards my car. Lesson thirteen:

13. Never discount black ice!

I stumbled to my car and found myself at the light. I looked to my left and learned the most repulsive lesson of the night.

My skin began to crawl as I swatted at my hands and face.

You can inconspicuously pick a wedgie. There are ways to do it without getting to close to the crevice and if you are really experienced you can release it with no hands at all. A burp can be excused, as long as you don’t insult anyone with the blowing of a breath. And a sneeze can be deterred in the sleeve.

However, if you must, and you have no cloth-like material to catch the contents, or you aren’t skilled at shooting them in grassy knolls, please be cautious. If all else fails and you can’t avoid using your own skin, please, even if you use a tissue, wash your hands.

If you ignore all thirteen rules, it is quite all right. But, lesson fourteen:

14. Never let them see you picking your nose!

There is nothing more grotesque than having, or thinking you have, someone else’s nose nugget on your skin!


“Life is a long lesson in humility.” ~ James Matthew Barrie